Opus 2026-061: I Don’t Need You

I recently overheard those words.  It made me cringe.  They came back to me this morning, and I began thinking about the different ways in which that phrase could be uttered.  It could be totally devastating, or it could be very affirming, and many variances in between.

Being told that you are not needed, if uttered in the right context, and with the right tone of voice, can drive a nail into a friendship or any other kind of relationship.  People need to be needed.   Even more than being needed they have a desire to be wanted in someone else’s life.  If you have someone that you have been involved with for years and they suddenly declare this out of the blue, you wonder what is going on.  It can certainly chill the warmth of fellowship.

In between the devastation and the affirmation, you might have a simple statement of fact.  If someone calls you to tell you, they’ll be late for coffee because they have a flat tire and when you offer to come get them, they say, “I don’t need you. I have it covered. I will only be a few minutes late”, you don’t take it personally you just order another cup of coffee.  If your child is making up their bed and you’re used to helping them get it straight and they tell you that they don’t need you, that can be a time of knowing you have done your job well.

So at the other extreme, you have this situation where someone is informing you that you have made your contribution and they are now ready to grow up and step out into life.  That’s what being a parent is about.  It’s possible that you have a friend that you’ve been mentoring in a certain area and now they are ready to be independent.  It doesn’t mean you are rejected, it means that you are rewarded.

Of course, in some relationships, it’s just an acknowledgment of what has always been true.  Many times the words are not uttered because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.  I am not known for my sense of design or color.  It’s possible that for years I have helped people who really didn’t need help.  In that case, it might be us who would say to them, “You really don’t need me for this.”  If the relationship is right, the statement can be affirming.

Keep looking for places where you are really needed.

homo unius libri

Opus 2025-200: The Mystery of Hope

A number of books that I’m reading have made reference to the sufferings of Job.  He really went through it.  I hope that I never even come close to what he experienced.  Perhaps you feel you’re close.

Keep in mind the Job was totally innocent of any attitude or action.  He could have been facing discipline from God.   That is not what we see.  We start off with God giving a glorious testimony about the faithfulness of Job.  So if you’re going through hard times, don’t assume that it’s because you did something wrong.

Another thing that comes through when you read the book, Job never caved in to the criticisms and wisdom of his friends.  He didn’t accept their analysis.  He did not accept their traditional theology.  Keep in mind that part of their traditional theology was that he was suffering because of sin in his life.  He rejected that and made what we would call an arrogant claim today.  He claimed that he was not guilty.  He claimed that he was innocent of any wrongdoing.  He claimed that he stood tall before God and defied them to show where he had failed.

We are surrounded by theological traditionalists.  Their beliefs are based more on what they were told that on what they’ve actually found in the scripture themselves.  There is a real danger of arrogance on our part, but we must be responsible to read for ourselves.

Also keep in mind that the suffering of Job came to an end.  It had a limit.  He hung in there.  He got through.  I’m not sure that the children who died when the building fell were too blessed by that, or the cattle that were stolen were rejoicing in their new masters.  I’m not sure I would want to start all over again at that age.  But the testimony is that he was again blessed and found to be a good and faithful servant.

Hang in there.  Keep trusting.  And rejoice in the Lord.

homo unius libri

Opus 2012-327, Monday Pulpit: Diaper Changes

I don’t remember what the pastor said that started my mind down the path of changing diapers.  I think he was talking about sin.  The manger was in front of me and since it was the last Sunday before Christmas, it had a baby (doll) in it.  Babies cry a lot.  I often tell people that if they don’t believe in human depravity and original sin it is because they have never had children.

Picture an adult with the self-centeredness of a 6 month old baby.  My mind shudders at the thought.

Back to crying and babies.  As I was meditating on this truth I realized that there was a purpose in the noise.  How in the world would you know the baby was wet if it didn’t cry?  It isn’t going to climb out of its crib, stroll into the living room and say, “Do you think you might have a moment to change me.  I seem to have had a moment of incontinence.”  No, they cry.

Pain and discomfort have a purpose.  They let us know that something is wrong. 

As I get older, I realize that aches and pains are a part of the process.  I learn how to move differently or more slowly.  But there are others aches and pains that are a result of something being wrong.

It can be a physical wrong.  Pain can be a warning of the early stages of a real problem.  When we check it out, we save our lives.  Praise God for that kind of pain.

It can be a spiritual wrong.  We don’t like to admit this.  We don’t want to judge.  Fine.  Don’t judge others and tell them their pain is a sign of sin in their lives.  Tell yourself though.  It might not be, but check it out.  Think of the baby crying.  Generally there are three reasons:  Hunger, fatigue, diaper disorder.  It has been a long time for me but if I remember correctly the only way you can tell if the diaper is wet is to stick a finger down the diaper.  Or have your wife do it.

So be thankful for pain.  Take it seriously.

May your pain be temporary and minor, unless it is caused by sin and then I want it to rage until you repent.

homo unius libri