Opus 2026-061: I Don’t Need You

I recently overheard those words.  It made me cringe.  They came back to me this morning, and I began thinking about the different ways in which that phrase could be uttered.  It could be totally devastating, or it could be very affirming, and many variances in between.

Being told that you are not needed, if uttered in the right context, and with the right tone of voice, can drive a nail into a friendship or any other kind of relationship.  People need to be needed.   Even more than being needed they have a desire to be wanted in someone else’s life.  If you have someone that you have been involved with for years and they suddenly declare this out of the blue, you wonder what is going on.  It can certainly chill the warmth of fellowship.

In between the devastation and the affirmation, you might have a simple statement of fact.  If someone calls you to tell you, they’ll be late for coffee because they have a flat tire and when you offer to come get them, they say, “I don’t need you. I have it covered. I will only be a few minutes late”, you don’t take it personally you just order another cup of coffee.  If your child is making up their bed and you’re used to helping them get it straight and they tell you that they don’t need you, that can be a time of knowing you have done your job well.

So at the other extreme, you have this situation where someone is informing you that you have made your contribution and they are now ready to grow up and step out into life.  That’s what being a parent is about.  It’s possible that you have a friend that you’ve been mentoring in a certain area and now they are ready to be independent.  It doesn’t mean you are rejected, it means that you are rewarded.

Of course, in some relationships, it’s just an acknowledgment of what has always been true.  Many times the words are not uttered because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.  I am not known for my sense of design or color.  It’s possible that for years I have helped people who really didn’t need help.  In that case, it might be us who would say to them, “You really don’t need me for this.”  If the relationship is right, the statement can be affirming.

Keep looking for places where you are really needed.

homo unius libri