Opus 2025-177: Nightmares

Last night I had a nightmare again.  My nightmares are almost exclusively about being back in the classroom.  They’re not about teaching,  they’re about not being able to teach.  Usually they have a room full of kids who keep changing their names or have no supplies.  Usually, I have no role book and no seating chart, which means I have no way of knowing who they are.  Sometimes the class keeps changing as people wander in and out, not only students but also adults.  I’ve had nightmares where the room had no walls and the entire rest of the school was out partying in the quad while I was trying to get across some truth about history.

Last night was different.  It was about teaching.  It was about making up a test for my class.  It wasn’t as horrible as actually having to teach, but it was exhausting.  Trying to figure out a creative ways to see if the kids had heard anything can take it out of you even in your sleep.

It’s been eight years now and I still have this dread of having to go back into the classroom.  It’s not the kids.  I enjoyed the kids I worked with, and we got along well.  It’s not teaching itself.  It is the frustration of having to deal with all of the roadblocks to doing the job.  If I am ever desperate enough to go back to work I will apply as a Walmart greeter first.

homo unius libri