Opus 2022-296: Color My Unlonely

It is lonely at the top, or so I have heard.

It is also lonely at the bottom.  Take my word for it.

It can be lonely at all rungs in between but I am not sure that I understand loneliness.

Loneliness is more in our attitude than the availability of companionship.  It has to do with the quality.  If it is just a matter of being with people then all you need to do is go to a swap meet.  There will be plenty of people to talk to.  It probably won’t fill the void.  What do you do when there is no one who measures up?

I am currently an introvert both in inclination and action.  I am quite happy in my study with my books and computer.  When my wife is out of town I can go for days without talking to anyone except for necessary exchanges at the grocery store.  I don’t understand people who need to be where it is happening.  I say “currently” because I have had times in my life when I was an extrovert.  I enjoyed getting everyone together and planning events.  I am not that way now.

I was attending the mid-week service at our church and bound myself bored with the stand-in speaker.  In spite of that I disciplined myself to listen.  What came home was that he was really touched by the Sunday sermon, a sermon that had left me reading the bulletin.  It was pablum to me but needed nutrition to him.  As I thought about that the conversation went on.  One of the ladies mentioned the “church family”.

The church I am attending considers themselves family, and they are.  They are really involved with each other and very supportive.  I am sure they would “care” about me too but I will never really be part of their family.  That requires time and a mutual caring that I don’t have to give.  As for time I don’t have enough years left.  As for caring, I don’t have enough energy.

I will do what I can to be a part of things.  It is an uphill battle but it needs to be fought.  I am not concerned about being lonely but it might be that I can be a positive influence on someone else.  

Life is good even if I have to make small talk.

homo unius libri