Opus 2016-4: In Which I Scare Off Three Ninjas

I was sound asleep.  It was my last morning before I returning to work.  All was well with the world until once again I was rousted out of bed because my wife heard a noise.

This has happened hundreds of times over the last 40 years.  In that time there has been a genuine source of the “noise” once.  It turned out to be an animal in the trash can who could not get out.  Okay, I will give her that one.  The rest of the time, who knows?

She heard a noise.  Okay.  Where did she hear it?  First location was in the back yard.  We have spot lights and windows so I do an internal check of the house.  All windows and doors are secure.  I peer out the windows and see nothing.  I turn on the lights and see nothing.  Then when I was returning from my adventure I am informed that it sounded like someone breaking into the garage.  Understand something for clarity.  The garage is in the opposite direction from the back yard.  Then I was told that she and the cat heard it coming from above the TV, which was turned on at the time.  At this point I am doubting the sanity of one person in the room and the cat doesn’t qualify.  How can a sound of breaking into the garage in the front of the house, made by someone in the back yard come from the attic over the TV?  Maybe it was a ninja.  If so, we are already dead and don’t know it.  Maybe it was three ninjas.  If so we are dead three times and don’t know it.

By now it is 6:00 A.M. and I might as well make a pot of coffee.

The difficult point is that even a broken clock is right twice a day.  The next time she hears a sound it might be something to get concerned about, so I can’t afford to get complacent.  I would rather be up and alert for no reason than sleeping when tragedy gets past the locks.  When you listen to people who deal in personal security the number one lesson has to do with situational awareness.  You can’t be aware if you are asleep.

homo unius libri